


It Was Always You

by thatwriterlady



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 18:51:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2702738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwriterlady/pseuds/thatwriterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a one shot based on if God came back and started restoring order in heaven.  With life starting to gain a sense of normalcy Sam embraces it and decides to go back to school and move out of the bunker leaving Dean alone.  Cas was taken by the angels to be punished for the crimes they believe he committed against heaven so essentially Dean has no one.  With no monsters to hunt, no real education, and no discernable skills Dean sinks into a depression, turning to alcohol to chase away the pain and the memory of his blue eyed angel, the one he never had the guts to tell how he felt before he was so cruely taken  away.  Lonely, heartbroken and wishing he could just die, Dean comes back to his motel room one night intending to have a one night stand with some woman he met at a bar, but instead finds someone he did not expect in his room.  I hope you all enjoy this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Always You

Seven Months After

It had been seven months, though for Dean the days had long ago began to blur together and now he didn't even pay attention to the day of the week let alone the date. Truth was, he was afraid to. Paying attention meant he'd be forced to remember things he'd been fighting so hard these last few months to forget. It was cold tonight as he staggered back to his motel room having drunk half the bar in his attempt to reach a peaceful oblivion and there was an attractive woman at his hip laughing as she helped hold him up. He had left Baby back at the motel, afraid he'd wreck her trying to drive back, though the walk wasn't so bad this particular night. He was aware of a warm hand around his waist and the fact that he could see his breath as they crunched over the gravel, approaching his room. "You got your key handsome?" She was asking. He stopped and looked at her for a moment under the light in front of his door. What was he doing? Why had he brought some broad back to his room? He was too drunk for self loathing and all he could do was stare blankly at her for a long moment. "Yes I do." He replied, and pulled a key card from his jacket pocket. She moved closer, pressing her body to his and he could see just how blue her eyes were. The same shade of blue that had stirred things in him he didn't think ever could be stirred, before being taken away from him forever. "Oh baby, I'm going to rock your world." She moaned in his ear and he realized that he felt absolutely nothing. Her hand slid down between his legs, rubbing, a frown on her face when she realized she wasn't getting the reaction from his body that she wanted. He pushed her hand away. "I think I'm too drunk tonight." He lied and gently pushed her back until there was at least a foot between them. The truth was that the cold air was working quickly to sober him up and he couldn't sleep with this stranger sober, no matter how blue her eyes were. She was pretty and her expression set into an angry frown. "Are you serious? Fuck you man, fuck you." She turned and marched off leaving him standing alone outside his room. He watched her go with a lack of interest before sliding his key card in the door and opening it.

One of the reasons he needed to drown out his emotions so much was so that he didn't have to be reminded of how completely alone he really was now. Something had shifted in heaven, that was the last piece of information he'd been able to glean from Cas before the dying angel had been captured and forced back to heaven. Dean had been unable to stop them from taking him. He'd been unable to protect Cas and every day that ate at him a little more. Whatever was happening up in heaven, it was having major effects down on earth. The angels were gone now, the demons too for the most part. He didn't need to hunt them anymore. Only once in awhile did he encounter a trapped spirit, and even that was becoming harder to find. That had been the motivation his brother Sam had needed to begin to hope for some semblance of normality. When three months had passed without a single case popping up he had gone and enrolled in a local college. Then he'd found a job in a law firm and decided last month that he wanted to get his own apartment. Dean was then left alone in the bunker and that had proved to be too much. So he struck out, searching for cases, any reason not to sit in the deafening silence of the bunker, and he got drunk to forget how truly alone he was. To forget about all that he had lost. To forget about those blue eyes that made his heart ache every time he thought of them. He still prayed to Cas though he had no illusions that the angel could even hear him. As he opened his motel room door he cast away the last of the alcohol and felt yet another tear slip down his cheek. He was still alone. No matter where he went he was always alone. Maybe he should have brought the girl in, had his way with her, though he doubted he'd have been able to get it up. He'd been with dozens of women over the last few months and maintaining an erection, especially while drunk, was becoming next to impossible. Their soft bodies, their perfumed skin, firm breasts, none of it turned him on anymore. He let out a ragged sigh as he fought the urge to cry again and entered the dark room. He closed the door behind himself and locked it. It wasn't monsters he had to worry about lately, it was humans. He had made his way up here to Seattle and this motel wasn't in the best part of town. It was all that he could afford though. "Dean." A familiar voice said behind him. He spun around, pulling a gun from his waistband as he flipped the light switch on the wall. He blinked against the suddenly blinding light before he was able to focus on the figure standing in the middle of the room. Dressed in a very tacky green Christmas sweater and brown courderoy pants was the last person he thought he'd ever see again. "You're dead." Dean said gruffly, trying to mask the true level of his shock. The figure smiled. "Not really." Dean didn't move. "How?" Was all he managed to ask. "It's a long story. I won't bore you with the details, but I wanted to see you. I know you've been in pain Dean, and I came to help." For a moment the expression on Dean's face became one of incredulity. "Help me? How did you plan to do that?" He asked, lowering his gun but not putting it away just yet. "I hear your thoughts Dean, see the sadness in your soul. I hear you crying out in your nightmares and it is an awful thing to hear. No one should ever hurt that much." The figure replied with more compassion in their voice than Dean felt he deserved. He swallowed hard feeling the tears that threatened to spill yet again. "Yeah, well, I'm dealing with it." He replied gruffly. "No, you're really not." The figure replied. "And that's why I'm here. I've heard the prayers you send up to Castiel, heard the pain, the desperation in them. Castiel hears them to and it tears at him every time. It kills him to not be here with you and Sam." "Then why doesn't he come?" Dean cried, unable to mask the pain he felt hearing that Cas was hearing his prayers but not answering him. He didn't know what was worse, thinking Cas was dead or knowing he was still alive but ignoring him. His chest ached and he staggered back against the wall behind him, the tears in his eyes now flowing freely. "He couldn't come. The angels locked him up. They intended to keep him there until his grace gave out and he died. He has languished in prison for months now, his every thought being of you Dean. But things are changing, order is behind restored and things are being set right once more. The first bit of business that needed to be addressed was getting him out of there, which I did. I removed his grace since it wasn't his to start with. I returned the bit of his own that was left and then I gave him a choice. He could sit at my right side in heaven or he could return to earth, live as a human. Be with the people he loved the most." The figure explained. Dean looked up. Was he supposed to believe Cas would choose earth, choose him over heaven? He'd be an idiot to think that. He nodded. Cas' loyalty to heaven was strong, surely stronger than a simple human emotion like love... There was a knock at the door. Dean turned to look at it. Had that woman come back to try her luck again? He really didn't relish the thought of turning her away again. He put the safety back on the gun before slipping it back into his waistband and going to the door. The figure stood watching him, no real discernable emotion on their face. Dean frowned and unlocked the door, pulling it open. For a moment he couldn't breathe. It felt like all the air had been pulled from his lungs as his green eyes met the blue ones staring back. "Cas?" He finally managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper. Cas smiled, and God if it wasn't the thing Dean had missed so desperately all these months. He reached out, touching Cas with one tentative hand, proving that he wasn't just imagining the angel standing before him. "It's me Dean." Cas said. He brought a hand up, placing it over Dean's and squeezing gently. Something broke in Dean then and he let out a choked sound as he grasped desperately at Cas, pulling him into the room and into a hug so fierce that Cas was left gasping for air, but he didn't pull away. Instead his arms slid around Dean's waist, hugging him back just as tight. "I missed you. I missed you so much." Dean said through his tears. "I missed you too Dean." Cas said and Dean realized the angel was crying too. He released his death grip on the smaller man and took a step back to look at him. "How are you here? Why aren't you in heaven?" He asked. Cas gave him a smirk, so human an expression, looking at Dean like he was an idiot. "How could I stay there? My world is here." Cas replied. "But you were given a choice..." Dean started to say but Cas brought a hand up, touching his cheek, running his thumb over Dean's open mouth sending shivers through him, instantly silencing him. "What kind of choice was that? Heaven or you. You should know I would choose you. It was always you, Dean. It was always you." Cas said softly. Their feelings had always gone unspoken since talking about such things had always made Dean feel weak and vulnerable, but he had slowly come to realize that what he was feeling for Cas went beyond friendship. It was undeniably love, but by the time he had realized he even could tell Cas how he felt, the angel had been ripped from his side. But here Cas was, standing before him, the same love reflecting in those blue eyes he had missed so much. As Cas touched his face he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, needing to be touched, needing to be loved. "Why though? Heaven needs you." He said, opening his eyes again and finding that Cas had stepped closer. "But I needed you." Cas said before bringing his lips to Dean's. The electricity that flowed through Dean's body in that moment was more than he'd felt in months and he brought a hand up, winding his fingers through Cas' dark hair and pulling him deeper into the kiss. "I love you Dean Winchester." Cas whispered in his ear when their lips finally parted. Words Dean himself had only spoken a few times in his life because they were not ones to be spoken lightly, but somehow they felt right as they found their way to his lips as he said "I love you too Cas, I always have." Neither man had noticed the figure that slipped silently from the room to return to heaven, the task completed. "What do we do now?" Dean asked as Cas pressed his body against his, sending delicious shivers through him. "Let's go home." Cas replied. Dean nodded. "In the morning." Cas smiled and Dean felt a flutter in his belly that spread, making him feel like he was floating as Cas slipped his arms around him again, one hand sliding under Dean's shirt, cool fingers brushing against bare flesh. "Yeah, tomorrow." Dean murmured, his own hands working at the buttons of Cas' white dress shirt, pulling it open so he could touch him, relishing in the way the the shorter man shuddered under his gentle touch. Right now home was wherever Cas was, and Cas felt exactly the same way.


End file.
